article thumbnail

Children and Domestic Violence. They Know.

Gary Direnfeld

This post addresses domestic violence. ?————— abuse child behavior domestic violence marital counseling/therapy relationshipsTrigger warning.

article thumbnail

Let’s End the Shame That Silences Victims of Domestic Violence

Swhelper

October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but let’s make it our mission year-round to end the one important thing that, paradoxically, is both a dire consequence of domestic violence and a factor contributing to its perpetuation: shame. Suzy Kanoo.

Insiders

Sign Up for our Newsletter

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

article thumbnail

ASWB: Domestic Violence Updates

Therapist Development Center

If you’ve taken any of the ASWB social work exams, you’ve probably seen a number of questions on domestic violence. Because of this, we’ve made some awesome domestic violence updates in our programs.

article thumbnail

Children Who Witness Domestic Violence May Suffer Long-term Difficulties

Shelter, Inc

OCTOBER IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH. Witnessing domestic violence is one such event, an adverse childhood experience (ACE) that can have a lifelong impact. Community Education Aces Child Abuse childhood trauma domestic violence Think Trauma training

article thumbnail

Domestic violence awareness matters

National Casa Gal

So, when we hear or read stories about domestic violence during the month of October or throughout the year, we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it with others. The post Domestic violence awareness matters appeared first on National CASA/GAL Association for Children.

article thumbnail

Domestic Violence Response Teams: Implementation of a Police-Advocate Partnership

inSocialWork

In this episode, our guest Dr. Laura Johnson describes the domestic violence response team program, which is a collaborative partnership between domestic violence organizations and law enforcement. ? ? Dr. Laura Johnson ? ?.

article thumbnail

Couple Counseling? Maybe in time….

Gary Direnfeld

I always screen referrals for domestic violence as well as substance use. Therein we can develop a risk profile for the likelihood of future violence. If a partner discloses issues of violence or abuse, it can upset the other who engages in such behavior.

article thumbnail

An Affair and Trauma

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence marital counseling/therapy relationshipsPlease realize, an affair is a traumatic experience for the one cheated on. Regardless the quality or issues in the relationship, fidelity remains an expectation. When broken, trust is difficult to repair.

article thumbnail

For Some, the Greater the Closeness, the Greater the Perceived Risk

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence managing life relationshipsWhy would you want to invest in a relationship if what you saw between your parents was yelling, screaming, put-downs, or even hitting, pushing, shoving and perhaps even injuries?

article thumbnail

Hey, Tough Guy…

Gary Direnfeld

abuse child behavior domestic violence managing life marital counseling/therapy relationshipsHe thought his dad was strong. With that, the thought of counseling was an embarrassment. Never would his father ever consider it. But here he was now, under an ultimatum from his parter.

article thumbnail

The Hit that Reverberated to Adulthood

Gary Direnfeld

This post describes domestic violence. With that she dismissed the impact of domestic violence and downplayed the fact that with that hit, she and her mom learned never to cross him again. A fear that included things escalating to physical violence. Trigger warning.

article thumbnail

Growing Up With a Difficult Parent

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence high conflict people relationshipsIt can be so confusing when statistically, almost everyone has parents who love them and puts them first and you have a parent whose needs supercede your own.

article thumbnail

Nasty Ex? They may not be normal….

Gary Direnfeld

abuse alternate dispute resolution collaborative law counseling court domestic violence high conflict people mediation parental conflict relationshipsThere are ways to work with a nasty ex that work better than others.

article thumbnail

If Your Childhood Abuser Wasn’t Held Accountable

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence relationshipsIf you were abused as a child and your parent(s) kept it secret, not wanting to cause turmoil for one’s family or a work relationship or someone else’s family, you are likely not only affected by the abuse at the hands of the abuser but by not having your abuse truly validated and dealt with meaningfully on your behalf.

article thumbnail

The Challenge in Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence relationshipsThere are many important reasons why someone may not leave an abusive relationship. People need somewhere to go. Not everyone has alternative accommodations available for themselves, let alone with kids and even pets. Then on top of accommodations, there is the cost of living beyond that. Food, clothing, transportation. Not all will have sufficient funds. An aspect of abuse can include financial control by the partner.

article thumbnail

When the Ex Badmouths You to the Child

Gary Direnfeld

abuse child behavior domestic violence high conflict people managing life relationshipsIt’s a beautiful thing seeing a parent let the barbs of an ex fall flat when before they would get stuck like grappling hooks to drag them down. When one understands that boundaries means you are not required to respond to the noise of another and that their noise is not a reflection of oneself, one finds their own power.

article thumbnail

Narcissist? No, Others Don’t Get It.

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence high conflict people parental separation relationshipsSeparating from a narcissist is like no other. The gaslighting yet charm; the outright lies, yet straight face; the abuses perpetrated yet attributed to you; the misdeeds yet denials. Trying to explain to someone with no experience of this is like spitting in the wind. It comes back on you.

article thumbnail

Leaving Home Before Your Time

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence high conflict people relationshipsSome young people don’t leave home. They flee. They flee those conditions that being harm to self and others within the home. Some flea at a young age, teenagers, not yet fully formed, not yet adults. Not yet with all supports in place. They are at tremendous risk even when once fled. Mere survival, let alone exploitation challenge them. They seek to find their way.

article thumbnail

Hey, Tough Guy.

Gary Direnfeld

abuse child behavior domestic violence high conflict people managing life relationships school related issuesToxic masculinity doesn’t begin in adulthood. It begins in infancy with the expectation that boys must tough it out, suck it up, not cry and never need soothing.

article thumbnail

Grandparent? Sometimes the answer is no.

Gary Direnfeld

abuse child access domestic violence high conflict people managing life relationshipsFrom time to time I am asked about how one keeps a grandchild in the life of a grandparent where that grandparent is truly mean to the parent, a bad influence on the grandchild or engages in poor behaviors. The thinking is that this parent doesn’t want to undermine the grandparent- grandchild relationship. These situations really need exploration.

article thumbnail

Safe Word for Family Gatherings

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence high conflict people parental conflict relationshipsFor some family gatherings you just have to have a safe word. It could be a nod, a look, a gesture, a comment whispered in your ear. Once seen or heard, it’s time to leave.

article thumbnail

Planning for the Frightful Family Visit this Holiday Season

Gary Direnfeld

The issues include conflict, violence, abuse of any kind, excessive drug and alcohol use. abuse domestic violence high conflict people managing life relationshipsBeing the holiday season, many will be seeing family they much rather not. Do know, you can leave. If you chose to, do so quietly, without fanfare. Do not seek to make a point as that typically makes things worse. You don’t want to wear that. If there with your partner, have a safe word.

article thumbnail

It’s OK to Jump the Train and Leave

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence high conflict people managing life marital counseling/therapy relationshipsRelationships have a momentum. For far too many, the quality of the relationship has little bearing on the momentum. With that, the relationship follows steps.

article thumbnail

The Fear Wasn’t of School

Gary Direnfeld

Trigger warning: This post addresses domestic violence and child awareness. abuse child behavior counseling domestic violence school related issues——— The issue was the child’s fear of going to school. We talked about the parental relationship. She was convinced that her child new nothing of the abuse between her and her partner. She said it always took place after the child was in bed.

Schools 126
article thumbnail

It May Be Trauma If You Experienced….

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence high conflict people managing life relationshipsTrigger Warning: This post discusses trauma.

article thumbnail

Giving In to a Narcissist Doesn’t Buy Peace

Gary Direnfeld

abuse collaborative law court domestic violence high conflict people managing life mediation parental conflict relationshipsMany hope that by giving in to a narcissistic ex, they can buy peace. What many of these folks come to realize is that their ex is never gratified.

article thumbnail

Is Santa real?

Stop Abuse Campaign

We often talk about domestic violence as a set of statistics, but do we ever really make the connection between a person’s ACE ( Adverse Childhood Experiences ) score and their propensity to become either a perpetrator or a perpetual victim? Ask Lala @AskLala Domestic violence

article thumbnail

You May Be Choking on Past Trauma and Don’t Even Know It

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence managing life relationshipsI meet with folks who don’t realize the severity of the abuse and trauma to which they were exposed growing up. They may have tremendous issues with mental health, drug or alcohol abuse and/or serious physical ailments, but nowhere has anyone ever helped them make a connection to those early life experiences. I am the first to point out those experiences for what they were. It often comes as a surprise.

article thumbnail

When Your Ex is Abusive and Intimidating, Know This:

Gary Direnfeld

abuse alternate dispute resolution collaborative law counseling court domestic violence high conflict people managing life mediation parental conflict parental separation relationships

article thumbnail

If You Saw Your Parent Being Hit…

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence relationshipsShe wasn’t hit. Her dad did hit her mom though. As mean as he was to her mom, she was treated like gold. She was the favorite. She had learned early on by what she witnessed, never to cross her dad. In fact, she did whatever she could to please and appease him. It was no wonder she was his favorite. Come adulthood she met and married a man much like her father. However, while demanding and controlling, he never hit.

article thumbnail

When the Request is Fix My Partner

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence high conflict people managing life marital counseling/therapy relationshipsI receive so many emails that read similarly. They provide a lengthy litany of examples of the untoward behavior of their partner. They are seeking counseling as a last ditch effort hoping their partner will see the light and change. They want to know if I can be helpful.

article thumbnail

Sometimes there isn’t a choice. We must call.

Gary Direnfeld

No violence… of any kind. abuse domestic violence relationshipsTrigger Warning. This post discusses violent child abuse. ——– The lad was about 12. Mom and step-dad in my waiting room. The lad described the beating and kicks by step-dad as mother watched. This, according to the lad was recently. I called CAS, keeping the lad in my office. I went to the waiting room to describe the situation to the parents. Dad stood up to me wanting to see the lad.

article thumbnail

Yes, Men Get Abused. Shame Keeps It Hidden.

Gary Direnfeld

It’s men affected by violence and coercive controlling behavior perpetrated by their female partners. Yes, statistically, the majority of those abused through intimate partner violence is disproportionately women, by a wide margin. abuse domestic violence high conflict people parental separation relationshipsIt isn’t often discussed, yet happens. It is kept in the shadows, kept there in shame, disbelief and toxic masculinity.

article thumbnail

The Impact of Childhood Abuse on Adult Health…

Gary Direnfeld

abuse counseling domestic violence managing life parental conflict parental separation relationships school related issuesAlthough she came for another matter, as we talked, I learned about her health issues. She for a long time had stomach and digestive issues. So far, her doctor didn’t have a diagnosis. Given our fulsome discussion, I suggested she ask her doctor to be checked out for Crohn’s disease. She did and for better or worse, I was right.

article thumbnail

Those Crazy-Making Conflicting Messages

Gary Direnfeld

abuse child behavior domestic violence high conflict people relationshipsImagine the child being told, “He knows I love him,” by an angry parent. The child receives a contradictory message because the delivery doesn’t match the intention. Making matters worse, if the child rejects the statement, the child may be scorned, not loved. Yet, if by chance the child comes close and is met with coldness versus an embrace, again the words carry no weight.

article thumbnail

Federal Grants Available to Promote Elder Justice

Social Work Blog

Funding source: Office on Violence Against Women (OVW), U.S. Purpose: support a comprehensive approach to addressing abuse in later life, including domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, stalking, neglect, and exploitation toward people who are at least 50 years old.

article thumbnail

Kayden’s Law Provision of VAWA Fuels Family Court Reform

Stop Abuse Campaign

Thanks to the support of countless advocates over many months, the federal Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) was re-authorized Friday, March 11th. Ensuring past instances of domestic violence or child abuse are considered in custody decisions.

article thumbnail

Really? You think You Attract “Those” Kind of People?

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence high conflict people managing life relationshipsI was chatting with someone who wondered if they attract difficult people or those who would exploit. I explained that I don’t subscribe to that way of thinking although I have heard it from other counselors. My view is that difficult people and those who would exploit others are always around. They are in our families, workplace and communities. That is a fact of life.

article thumbnail

Family Dinners? They’re not all the same….

Gary Direnfeld

abuse domestic violence managing life relationshipsAs one experiences, one then believes that is the way for all. If raised in a home where yelling, screaming, belittling, perhaps worse such as pushing, shoving and hitting were frequent, it can create the impression that this happens in all homes.

article thumbnail

Equal Parenting Custody Battles: What Can We Learn from the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Case?

Stop Abuse Campaign

Although Jolie cited irreconcilable differences, there were also reports of domestic violence and child abuse regarding an incident with Pitt and their son, Maddox, who was 15 at the time of the incident. . Screen for domestic violence.