When The Trauma is Extreme

I asked. She told.

She spoke about her experiences with things unimaginable to most.

She said that previous therapists had said her background was the most extreme they have ever heard.

Hearing that, my concern was that she worried about overwhelming the therapists.

I don’t know. They may have been.

However, I assured her that although her experiences were indeed extreme, I have actually heard similar and worse. I also assured her I wasn’t overwhelmed and that I was going to be helpful.

Sometimes therapists do get overwhelmed by the stories told to us by the folks we serve. There’s even a name for it. Vicarious trauma. It doesn’t help the people we serve if they feel they have to protect us.

Indeed, being overwhelmed by the intensity of some people’s experiences and situations, some therapists don’t know what to do.

Typically, the strategies remain the same.

Probably the most important thing we talked about in terms of helpful strategies was her mastering her big feelings when triggered. Those triggers went straight to her core, gutting her with a flood of memories for similar feelings.

Amazingly she had already adopted a number of strategies and capacities from those previous helpers.

I got to stand on their shoulders to reinforce some good work, driving home the importance of self-care, finding one’s calm before ever responding to a trigger.

On top of the history, she was also coping with an ex who did his best to thwart her relationship with her kids. He was truly a pro. That added to her challenges.

There too the strategies were the same.

We talked about how to be neutral when her kid threw those curveballs, lobbed really by her ex.

Listen, empathize, redirect.

She took her pauses with me when necessary. She remained composed. She took in my reinforcing those practices she was already using well. She took notes on the new stuff.

It won’t be easy, but I do believe she is going to do the work.

She is shifting from victim to survivor to thriver.

To live what she’s lived through and is still standing, that’s impressive.

To my therapist colleagues, if overwhelmed, do get support for yourself. All those things we tell the folks we serve, we need to do for ourselves too.

---

Are you following me on Facebook yet? If not, you are missing many more posts!

I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

www.garydirenfeld.com – to build your successful practice

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.