January can be a tricky month for our mental well-being. Lack of money after the festive period, lack of sunlight and colder weather can all contribute to making it harder to have a positive outlook.
Although numbers of inpatients for mental illness go down in December and numbers of emergency calls related to mental health distress also decrease, the trend reverses starkly come January.
It can be hard to know how to help someone in mental distress, and we often worry about saying the wrong thing, especially if someone has expressed thoughts of hurting themselves. Here are some tips to help you know what to do if someone is in turmoil and emotional agitation turns to you for support.
PLEASE NOTE: If you or someone you know is thinking about hurting themselves or ending their life, you can get help now.
- Make sure that YOU are feeling grounded, safe and secure in your own body and surroundings. It won’t do either of you any good if talking about difficult subjects will trigger mental distress in you too. Being a calm presence will help them in this difficult moment. There are techniques that can help emotional regulation which you can practise daily such as breathing exercises and meditation. These practices can help you manage potentially distressing conversations such as this.
- Offer them a glass of water or cup of tea. This may seem simple but different sensations like taste or liquids can change the fluctuation of nervous system responses. Warmth of tea soothes our internal organs that can reassure our brains that we are safe. Sipping tea or water also reassures our nervous system that we are safe therefore sending safety signals to our brains.
- Suggest you go for a walk. This may seem like a simple activity but a walk can provide privacy, a change of scenery, fresh air and walking moderates our heartbeats, soothes our nervous systems and can help us feel less trapped.
- Ensure they feel heard. Saying things like “I’m so sorry. This sounds really difficult. You must be in so much pain” can help someone feel validated and recognised. Read more about the best things to say to someone with mental health conditions here. Remember it’s not your job to find solutions or ‘fix’ them, just to make them feel heard.
- It’s ok to ask them whether they’ve made any plans to take their own life. Asking is not going to plant the idea in their head, but it may help them to feel their distress is taken seriously. If they say yes, you can let them know you may need to call the emergency services and ask for an ambulance if they feel they cannot keep themselves safe. You can let them know this, not hide it from them and reassure them it’s for their own safety. If they say no, it’s useful to go through those other earlier steps again, or you could suggest calling the Samaritans on (Number) instead or encourage them to speak to their GP or a mental health professional.
- If this person has not made plans to end their life, continue to hold space for the conversation and suggest further resources. Our Get Help page has many resources including Samaritans helpline. The charity Mind also has many pages about suicidal thoughts and how to help. The Hub of Hope can direct you and this person to help in their local area. Remember to listen without judgement, comparison or projection. Judgement can mean positive or negative comments. Comparison can mean comparing this person’s experience to somebody else’s. Projection can mean casting our assumptions or experiences onto another.
- Ask who you can contact to let them know this person is in distress. Although family led support networks can help mental well-being, this “family” may well not be a traditional family, as this can be for some not a safe place. It could be friends, found family, partner, therapist, GP, community group, neighbour or even an online friend. This reminds this person they’re not alone and reassures you there’s a wider support network out there.
- Schedule a catch up for an agreed time to check in. This does not need to become your responsibility, but you can provide a framework to work towards and a goal to set together. Boundaries are important for productive relationships, whether they are friendships, family relationships or even patient and doctor relationship
- End the conversation checking in with them about their plans for the rest of the day. Break it down to hour by hour, or 15 minutes to 15 minutes if needed. It’ll help them remind themselves of what’s next and reassure you. Time management can feel overwhelming and good time management can reduce stress.
- Make sure you turn to someone for support yourself. Whether that is a charity helpline, a knowledgeable friend or an empathetic loved one, having someone to offload to can help a lot when it comes to managing the emotions connected to conversations such as this. The importance of network-based communication and support approach is widely understood. So do turn to others for support yourself when supporting people in distress.
If you are concerned about someone who may be considering self-harm or suicide, there are places you can get help. And if you yourself are thinking about taking your life or harming yourself, there is help available now. You’re not alone and people do care.
Find out more about what needs to be done to prevent suicide here and how MQ are helping researchers preventing those with mental illness from being Gone Too Soon.
