My Brain's Not Broken

It happens to all of us often – several times a week, I get stark reminders that I’m only human. Sometimes those are conscious reminders, but many times the reminders are because of my physical limitations. Like many people, one of the biggest reminder of my physical limitations is that I get tired. I push myself physically, mentally, emotionally, etc., and by the end of the day (or few days) I am exhausted. But because of my mental health challenges, I have a lot of negative connotations with feeling tired, and it’s something I’ve come to loathe. Here’s how I figured this out – and how to figure out what’s next.

I’m writing about this right now because over the weekend, I felt lethargic. You know that feeling; when you’re so slow and sluggish no matter what you do, that you could fall asleep at a moment’s notice. That’s where I was, and I wasn’t having a good time.

I think this type of thing happens to everyone, but it’s one of the more difficult physical feelings for me to deal with. I almost feel silly typing all this, but it’s also something I know to be true: I hate being tired. More than that, I am embarrassed when I’m tired. I’m ashamed to be tired. And that negatively impacts my mental health.

Now of course, I could blame it on hustle culture, on being inundated by “the grind” or success or all the other ways that pushing yourself is glorified in today’s world. And while that’s definitely a factor, there’s a deeper truth that I don’t like to admit to myself, something that I’ve worked for years to get rid of. And that’s the idea that sometimes, every so often, I fail myself.

Failing shouldn’t be something to be afraid of, and for many people it’s not. Even for those whom it is a fear, it doesn’t make or break their day. But for people who have had to build their confidence from the ground up, who fight off depression, anxiety or any other mental health challenge on a daily basis…let me just say, some days it feels like the pressure is on. And I can’t give in to that feeling.

Coming to terms with my limitations isn’t easy, but I don’t think I realized how vital it can be for my mental health. For a long time, the challenge was figuring out and recognizing my limits. Now that I’m able to recognize them here and there, I need to find health ways to manage that. Off to do some research for my next post! Until then, be well and try your best – that’s all we can do out here.