First, let me say it is not easy living with someone with bipolar disorder. Their severe depressions and highest of manic episodes can ruin relationships.
Even people who love the person and have supported them for years, can eventually throw up their hands and be done. It is understandable because they have to watch out for their own mental health.
I have written a blog How to Support Someone with Bipolar Disorder, but have some things to add.
I am mainly talking about manic episodes in this blog because that is when the sick person wreaks the most havoc.
In the blog I wrote a long time ago, I said to have an action plan. I want to expand on that.
Be very specific and reevaluate it often. After every episode, sit down and discuss how things could have been better and communicate feelings and what can be handled differently. Come up with specific things that finish the statement If ___ then__.
My last manic episode I almost lost the support of the closest people to me and destroyed new relationships that I had been looking forward to.
I am going to get specific as to what I could have done differently and take accountability and have promised three of my closest allies that I will do what I’ve promised if they ask me to.
One thing I have not talked about in my blogs, is that I am pretty much medication resistant. This means that I’ve tried pretty much every medication out there to help prevent mania. I can’t take antidepressants because they can cause mania.The mood stabilizers have caused medical problems, extreme side effects or no longer work.
I have made it a practice to not talk about specific medications in my blogs or groups because everyone is different. However, I am going to say there is one old school antipsychotic I can take that will bring me down. I am scared to take it because it can worsen my tardive dyskenisia ( discussed in recent blog) I can’t imagine it getting worse. However, in order to save the relationships I have, I have agreed to take it if one of three ppl.tell me I need to.
I recognize when I am getting into trouble and tell people, but I eventually go over this hump where I just think this is it, I get to be happy and everything is positive and because that is such a break from my usual depression, I trick myself into thinking things are okay when they are not.
It is when that happens, I don’t listen to reason, get into fights, do things I regret later, hurt the people I love and sometimes even end up in a psychiatric hospital.
So taking that medication is hopefully the key to me preventimg all this havoc the next time. I plan to start taking it right away to ” knock myself out” and avoid an escalation and am thinking because that was the error I made last time, I will be smarter this time and won’t even need to have others tell me. I have promised them and plan to stick by my plan.
Another thing to help that I would like to add to my last blog is to be in constant communication when you are not in crisis and write things down you figure out so you can refer to them. Also, during the episode, have civil conversations each day about what you could have done differently and what worked. Write those things down as a reminder.
I think that having a contract of some sort that accompanies these notes is important.
Every time I have come out of a manic episo learn something new and I have been doing this for almost 40 years.
A few things I have learned recently is some specific things my loved one and I have figured out. He gets anxious when I am manic and his mental health suffers. He finds it very difficult to navigate things in my current state of thinking because everything is hunky dory to me.
He finds it hard for me to listen to reason and it causes frustration that escalates into shouting matches that makes everything worse. ( This is all understandable because like I said earlier, I am very hard to deal with.) He believes I don’t care about how he feels and often thinks I am talking to him like a child. I feel like I am being held back from doing all the things I want to do with this new manic energy. He’s concerned I will do things I will regret later and he is almost always right.
We had a good talk right now and came up with two good things that we are hoping will work. One is when he says, ” I need you to listen” I will shut up and realize he is frustrated and I need to let him talk without interrupting.
On my side of things, when I can tell we are not having a productive conversation and things are spiraling and his mental health is suffering, instead of saying calm down or you are escalating which seems to make things worse, I will use clue words that remind him he needs to take a breather. We are currently working on what that will be.
In addition, we both agree that he needs to start attending a free support group for loved ones of people with bipolar disorder not only to learn more about how to deal with it all in a healthier way for him, but to help me. He also will have a support system set in place.
In addition, he has agreed to read info about how to support ppl with bipolar disorder including my own blog.
He often asks when I am in a manic episode what he can do and just told me I don’t offer anything. He says I tell him I’ve been doing this for 40 years and I think I know what I am doing.
By the time I am saying things like that, I am in a full blown manic episode and it is nearly impossible to reason with me. I understand where he and the other ppl who support me get so frustrated and upset.
I am hoping and praying the next time, we will use the agreements we have put into place and things won’t get so bad that I Iose the last people ppl in my life who have stood by me.
I am blessed to have ppl in my life that have stuck by me. I wrote a letter to them in a book I was a contributor to I will share at another time.
Another thing that is important is to have an open conversation with your therapist and psychiatrist. Unfortunately, this last time, I was working with new to me mental health professionals and they did not know how much trouble I was in. They should have insisted on me taking that antipsychotic, but I can be very convincing that I am better than I am when I get manic. I need to let them know next time they recognize those signs to encourage me to take that medication.
I will try and update you on how these new plans work when implemented and what we have to tweak.
If you have read this far and can relate to anything I’ve said or can offer advice or suggest things that helped you and your loved one in the past, pls email me at BipolarBandit@gmail.com. I would love to use it as a guest post, but don’t have to.
If you have read this far, please keep my loved ones and me in your thoughts and prayers as we navigate my next manic episode which I have to admit is inevitable.
I am familiar with alternative methods, but you can share things of that nature if you feel lead to.
Some other blog articles you might be interested in:
8 Tips If You Feel like You are getting Manic
Things Not to Say to Someone with Bipolar Disorder
Things I’ve Done While Manic by Bipolar Bandit
Note: My relationships can not handle another episode like the last three.
Thanks!
Bipolar Bandit (Michelle Clark) 
In a manic phase I have an annoying habit of taking out credit cards or loans and spending the money on god knows what. Then when I get some sort of normality and receive letters from the creditors for payment, I can’t recall having the cards/loan. I even found myself hiding all emails and correspondence regarding this hidden on the laptop and the letters hid in the house. It’s like I’m tricking myself. I’ve now eradicated my credit score so I can’t get anymore credit for a while (I dont need to luckily), and I’m currently working on getting the debts written off due to the illness. I’ve stressed numerous times that applications aren’t stringent enough and I’m surely not the first person to be in the situation but nothing is being done as each organisation I speak to says it’s not their responsibility to set the guidelines etc etc.
I understand that situation totally as I have spent way more money than I should have in manic episodes usually buying things to give away as an act of kindness
In my younger years, when I started to get manic, I would give my keys and credit cards to my parents and then my then husband.
I once managed to buy a brand new car i could not afford, but somehow, my dad returned it to dealership as the guy must have just felt for us for some reason.
I also gave a lot of money to a guy I trusted one time and even took him to small claims court and he never returned the money even though I won the case.
It can all be frustrating. The credit cards don’t care as you pointed out because they make money off you. As hard as it wouod be, maybe you should look into bankruptcy if you can’t pay it back and yoir credit history is already bad.
Also, maybe instead ser up a payment plan with them saying it would be better than declaring bankruptcy because then they would get nothing. I am not a financial advisor or professor in any way, but just offered maybe some choices. There are also companies that can help by taking to credit card companies and getting things paid.
I’m sorry you are going thru this, but I hope the stress of it all does not cause another episode.
I understood your point about credit cards making it so easy, and I’m not sure what you can do except maybe write to your legislators.
I’m so sorry you are going thru this. Feel free to email me at BipolarBandit@gmail.com as I am not good about responding to comments. I hope I have not given bad advice. I’m. Just trying to help.
Thank you for your advice. I have just one creditor now who want more information as to why bipolar impacts my ability to pay and manage my finances. So I’m waiting for another letter from the psychiatrist
I can’t take antidepressants for the same reason but I haven’t been manic since the end of 1999, thanks to Depakote which I take with a little lithium.
That is awesome you have been able to stay manic free for so long. Unfortunately, for me, all the mood stabilizers have had serious side effects landing me in the hospital or lost their efficacy.
I wish you continued success. I hope you don’t struggle with depression too much.