Challenging Kids? Consider the connection….

The single most important ingredient to managing most children’s behavior is your connection to them and how they perceive that connection.

The best of connections cause the child to feel loved, nurtured, secure, safe.

Feeling those things in their connection to you they can then better concentrate on expectations, limits and boundaries.

Without that positive connection they are distracted by feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness.

If you or the environment you provide causes those feelings, then the child is concentrating on how to feel safe as well as how to manage those distressing behaviors and resultant feelings.

That means we must be responsive to their needs, right from the moment of conception, through pregnancy, their birth and then post birth development, all as best as possible.

We protect them from exposure to harsh environments such as may be seen in tense or violent adult relationships. We keep them clean, fed, stimulated and nurtured.

So it is difficult to improve a child’s challenging behavior if the connection and environment are negatively distracting.

So many therapists addressing concerning child behavior concentrate right there, on the behavior. Improvement may be slow or even non-existent.

Start with that connection.

Look at how people are relating to the child, if their needs are met in a timely fashion and if they would feel safe, secure and loved in the environment provided.

So often if those things are addressed first, the behavior of the child takes care of itself.

Concentrate on that positive connection.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.