Maybe Those Grandparents Shouldn’t See the Grandkids

Those parents who you identify as critical, demanding, dismissive, while you set a boundary for yourself, what about your children?

Many parents in these situations continue to facilitate access of their kids, the grandkids to the grandparents. But should they?

So much depends on the boundaries of those grandparents.

If they are badmouthing the parents to the grandkids, if they undermine the parents’ expectations, if they so much as demean the parents subtly or openly, then the parents should think twice about unrestricted access.

When grandparents speak poorly of the parents or undermine reasonable expectations, it can hurt the relationship and influence between those parents and the kids.

This can be even more disastrous when those kid’s become teenagers who have no regard for their parents given the undermining of the grandparents.

Some relationships are so toxic that they do spill across generations.

If this is the case, supervised access may be necessary if you want the relationship between grandparents and grandkids to continue.

If that cannot be facilitated, then parents can consider no access.

These are extreme situations, yet they occur.

Parents protective of kids from the grandparents for their innapropriate intrusions will be badmouthed by such grandparents.

There is a likelihood the grandparents will also engage others as their emissaries to undo the boundaries of the parents.

This are tough situations.

However, if one’s own parents brought harm to your life for emotional and psychological abuse, let alone physical abuse or even other problems such as alcohol over-consumption, then it remains reasonable to be protective of one’s kids.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.