My Cardiac Journey

It followed a winter where our dog got cancer. We stopped walking. He passed away.

Needing to get back in shape, we resumed walking, grieving the loss of our little boy.

Those walks were different. Not reaching far, I experienced chest pain. I attributed it to being out of shape and pushed through. Things didn’t improve. I saw my doctor.

Cardiac distress. Don’t exert myself. Don’t drive. If any further chest pain call 911. Those instructions were overwhelming, scary.

What followed were tests on an urgent basis: echocardiogram; stress test; angiogram.

While the hope was for angioplasty or stent, it wasn’t to be. There were three significant blockages requiring open-heart, bypass surgery.

More overwhelmed, yet I immediately shared the news with my entire family with a zoom call on the evening of the day received. Telling all at once saved the challenge of multiple difficult conversations.

Fear. Abject fear remained.

Within a few weeks surgery was scheduled.

The time in-between allowed for some psychological adjustment to the diagnosis and surgery.

Turns out my fear of death was exaggerated.

Indeed the success for such surgery is excellent. However, there was the impact of surgery on the body requiring an extended period of recovery. Fretful, but doable.

My plan was to live a life less in the moment and more future oriented. This at least two months ahead.

Whatever the pain and discomfort of recovery, and that was significant, there would be a time when it would be history. That I found soothing and it made the moment to moment struggles bearable.

The other part of the plan was to be open and transparent about the journey. This was not to bellyache, but rather a strategic move to open myself and Arlene up to the power of support.

In the absense of people knowing what you are going through, they cannot be supportive.

Support is important. It carries us emotionally and from an instrumental perspective it enables others to pitch in and help.

Aiding in this entire process is a good relationship with my wife, Arlene. We have been clear about our respective wants, needs and priorities and we both respect those of the other.

We also have capacity to do for the other selflessly.

There is no tallying who does what for whom. Rather we are quite able to jump in and care for the other.

In my practice I refer to this as being on the same team where we run block and tackle for each other, removing obstacles, not adding or creating them.

Here I am just two weeks post surgery.

The plan is paying off.

There has been no particular drama or excessive mood issues even in the face of considerable discomfort and inconvenience. Similarly, Arlene’s mood has been stable albeit with period concern for my discomfort.

I am meeting recovery targets.

Our relationship is intact.

There is a mantra about living in the moment. It has value, yet need be applied where it fits.

Sometimes you need to escape the moment and live with a vision of where you want to be.

Then, work that vision and don’t get distracted by the enevitable and known pain of the process.

Get support. Jump the drama. Work the future.

Get support. Jump the drama. Work the future.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.