Hey, Tough Guy…

He thought his dad was strong.

With that, the thought of counseling was an embarrassment. Never would his father ever consider it.

But here he was now, under an ultimatum from his parter. Join her in counseling, or leave.

He bit the bullet and agreed to go. He was open with the counselor about how his dad would frown on this.

The counselor wondered about other values and biases his dad had. With that the fellow talked about how dad treated mom.

Mom suffered depression.

As the fellow spoke he began to see connections between his dad’s oppression of his mom and her depression.

The fellow then made the connection to his partner and behavior towards her. She acknowledged feeling oppressed, but that she wouldn’t stand for it.

Agreeing he wouldn’t want his partner to suffer the same fate as is mother, he managed to consider his bossy and demanding ways.

There was never any judgement of him or his behavior, just a slowly putting together of two plus two.

He was one of the ones who got it.

He also found himself more supportive of his mother, standing up for her when dad was being a bulldozer.

A new definition of being a man was emerging in the family. Men have feelings, need to take responsibility for their behavior, and need to accept and support joint decision making.

It will be interesting to see how that plays out for this couple’s son as he grows up.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.