Grandparent? Sometimes the answer is no.

From time to time I am asked about how one keeps a grandchild in the life of a grandparent where that grandparent is truly mean to the parent, a bad influence on the grandchild or engages in poor behaviors.

The thinking is that this parent doesn’t want to undermine the grandparent- grandchild relationship.

These situations really need exploration.

The parent must be careful they aren’t facilitating a relationship that could prove as unhealthy for the child as likely was for themselves.

If the grandparent is dysfunctional, then protecting the child from innapropriate influence or behavior should be the first priority.

If indeed a child is to see such a grandparent, then it is likely best done supervised. Be there during the visit.

Therein if the grandparent is innapropriate in any manner, the parent can intervene and either address the behavior of concern or end that particular visit.

One cannot assume that maintaining such a relationship without an eye to safety, be it from negative influence or behavior is necessarily a good thing.

Being protective is a primary responsibility of all parents even if it does contribute to conflict with one’s own parents.

The boundaries you need to set for yourself may be necessary for you to set on behalf of your kids too.

Parenting can be hard.

It still may be necessary.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.