Those @#!$* Video Games!

So many parents seem befuddled, not knowing what to do when their child is hooked on video games.

They spend considerable time negotiating, coaching, goading, yelling, screaming and threatening.

If the child cannot stop their play and is resistant to any of those approaches, the real solution is to cut off their supply.

It’s important to appreciate that gaming can be compared to any substance addiction. Any amount keeps the user hooked, looking for the next fix.

To think a parent can simply limit use typically sets up a cat and mouse dynamic where the child is forever begging, seeking, sneaking or even threatening to increase their online time, their dose, their fix.

No addict gives up their source voluntarily. It requires an intervention.

In the case of video gaming, it’s about disconnecting. It’s about removing access altogether.

That can mean getting rid of the gaming system or putting controls on their devices or turing off the internet.

The child will certainly protest. That is to be expected.

In the more extreme situations a child may threaten their own well-being, that of another or seek to destroy property. These are not reasons to discontinue, but concerns to plan for. Get help.

If the child thinks they can earn the gaming back over time, this will be their sole focus. Gone is gone. Gaming is not something for this child to earn.

While the child will likely object at first, they should be offered opportunity to engage in other reasonable activities. If they decline, they likely are just not ready and still working through their anger and addiction issues.

If your child is neurodivergent, you may have to modify your approach and to do so may also require discussion with a professional who can address the process in view of that child’s unique neurology.

Sadly though, many parents seek to avoid the showdown.

The degree to which a parent backs down, starts negotiating, gives in, the child wins and the issue continues. Some things you can’t finesse.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.