Introduction
We are born into a world of comparisons. One of the first comparisons is found in the question “who does the baby look like? Then there are the comparison statements. “The baby has hair just like her mother when she was a baby.” “He has his father’s eyes.” Comparisons do not stop there. We are taught to observe, analyze, and measure our worth based on how we perceive others. “You should be more like your sister.” “I wish you could sing like your brother.” “Your friend is such a good student, why don’t you study a lot like her?”
When we spend time comparing ourselves to others, we fill space with hurtful thoughts, feelings and beliefs that lead to anxiety, depression, and stress.
In this blog post we are going to talk about the comparisons and behaviors that cause anxiety, depression and stress. We will also propose healthy responses.
Welcome
Welcome to the REAL Social Workers Online Magazine this is the place where we support and encourage social workers, like me, through strategic stress management and solution focused self-care.
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Features, Figures, and Fashion
As women social workers over 40, we have likely struggled with cultural and familial expectations of beauty and femininity. The media bombards us with images of youth, slim figures, and delicate features as the epitome of beauty. Stylish clothing seems to only be available to women who have very little curves or shape. It can be so frustrating, especially when we are often judged by the clothing we wear.
Have these narrow definitions and lack of availability caused you to compare your appearance and body image to others? How have your life experiences shaped your self-image?
This immense pressure to conform to conventional beauty standards can add to the psychological toll social workers experience leading to anxiety, depression, and increased stress.
While external forces try to dictate beauty ideals, we know that true beauty comes from within. Many of us share the same message with the youth we work with daily. True beauty stems from self-acceptance, valuing your inherent gifts and abilities, and focusing less on comparison. As social workers, we know beauty is not one-dimensional. It encompasses all aspects of a person including personality.
The concept of beauty is often reinforced in the home. Consider how your family and upbringing shaped your view of femininity and beauty. Did you receive positive affirmations around your appearance and talents, or did you feel pressure to conform to others’ standards? Reflect on how you can embrace your authentic self and reframe the narrative. Set an intention to appreciate your unique physical attributes, the wisdom you have gained over time, and the power you wield to effect change. Releasing the underlying need to meet unrealistic societal beauty expectations can greatly reduce anxiety and promote self-esteem. The greater our self-esteem, the more likely we will experience enduring positive moods.
Power, Place, and Position
Comparisons that affect our ability to work effectively in the workplace involve power, place, and position. In the workplace, we may deal with competition, microaggressions, and the need to prove our competence. Have you had colleagues take credit for your ideas or experienced others questioning your judgment? These are subtle microaggressions that undermines psychological safety in the workplace. Comments about appearance, being confused with others of the same race or nationality, or assumptions that you hold a lower level of authority all increase stress and self-doubt. These are also examples of microaggressions.
You do not have to engage or receive the negative communication as valid or true. Avoid connecting your self-worth to external validation. Access your inner wisdom and trust your capabilities.
Remember to focus on your skills and talents without comparison to others. If you find these experiences impacting your mental health, seek therapeutic support. Social workers are ethically obligated to engage in self-care.
To cultivate a positive and influential presence at work, focus on others more than yourself. Mentor a colleague who is new to the profession. Ask open-ended and reflective questions to foster understanding. Listen attentively. Avoid quick judgments by acknowledging your biases. Also put down your phone to be fully present! A person with active presence only needs to walk into a room to command attention.
A peaceful mindset is another example of authentic beauty. It also enhances professional interactions. Intentionally set time for meditation to cultivate a sense of calm and peace. Find activities outside work that bring you joy and peace of mind. Make self-care a priority to prevent burnout.
Closing
At this stage of life and career, know your worth and continue to let your inner light shine. Share your gifts with the world. Uplift other women around you by focusing on their abilities, not appearances. Explore positive role models who embody self-acceptance and authenticity. Explore activities that help you tune out judgment and feel more confident. Together, we can redefine beauty on our own terms, value inner qualities over outward appearance, and amplify one another’s voices. We are strong, not vulnerable. Our experience gives us perspective and empathy. As social workers, we have so much to offer. Let’s embrace authentic beauty in all its diverse shapes, sizes, and colors.
What messages do you have for fellow women social workers navigating these issues? How can we lift each other up and celebrate our collective power? Please share in the comments.
Marcyline Bailey is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers. She is the owner of M.L. Bailey Consultants, LLC, a private therapy practice that specializes in grief, loss, anxiety and depression. Ms. Bailey is the host of “Stress Talk” a video and audio podcast that focuses on helping women over 40 live healthy lives through strategic stress management and solution focused self-care.
Learn more about M.L. Bailey Consultants