Hey, Tough Guy.

Toxic masculinity doesn’t begin in adulthood.

It begins in infancy with the expectation that boys must tough it out, suck it up, not cry and never need soothing.

Indeed, that toxic masculinity for some is beat into them verbally, some physically.

“I’ll give you something to cry about.”

“Don’t be a suck.”

“You’re a cry-baby.”

The infant come toddler learns from an age that young that their acceptance and worth depends upon submerging their feelings of pain and/or fear.

Indeed, the fear of punishment as well as abandonment are powerful forces causing the very young to avoid showing any so-called negative emotion.

It is not that the child can’t show some feelings.

Those positive feelings of joy, happiness, laughter are permitted, just not any that may be interpreted as coming from a place of weakness.

When your boys cry, do not admonish, but seek to support, soothe and solve. Remember those three “S’s”.

Support, soothe and solve.

As a mantra it can help you approach your boy with empathy and compassion. It can help validate their feeling, yet find ways to resolve and manage those feelings that may be intense and overwhelming.

Therein is strength and capacity and resiliency.

With that, come adulthood, those boys, now men will have better capacity to manage emotions, life, their well-being and relationships.

Support, soothe and solve.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.