The scariest parts of bipolar disorder depend on who you ask, I guess, but I can think of quite a few scary things; after all, serious chronic illnesses like bipolar disorder tend to be scary on their very face. From having to deal with bipolar disorder for the rest of your life to possibly losing your life to bipolar disorder, there’s a lot of which to be scared. So here, I want to talk about some of the scary (and the scariest) aspects of bipolar disorder. Let’s face our fears.
A Scary Part of Bipolar — It’s a Life Sentence
I remember when I figured out I had bipolar disorder (it was before the doctors did), and I remember crying and crying and crying, knowing that it was going to be something I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I didn’t know much about it then, but what I knew was that if I was going to be in the amount of pain I was in then for the rest of my life, I didn’t think I could do it.
But here’s the thing about life — it’s long. And while bipolar may be a life sentence, not every moment of bipolar is the same. (This is both a good and bad thing.) While bipolar disorder can bring about more pain than one can imagine, it can also bring about stable times (euthymia). Bipolar disorder is episodic in nature. No single episode will last forever. Bipolar disorder is not one thing, and the pain I was in that night is different than how I was feeling a year from then, or five years from then, and so on.
And so, while bipolar is, indeed, a chronic illness life sentence, not all of that sentence will be spent behind bars.
A Scary Part of Bipolar — Out-of-Control Symptoms
Most people seek help for bipolar disorder because their lives and their bipolar symptoms are out-of-control. If everything was workable, people wouldn’t be seeking out medical help. And it’s very understandable to be scared of the out-of-control bipolar symptoms that drove you to help in the first place. A depression that leaves you friendless due to self-imposed isolation or a mania that leaves you jobless due to lack of insight are things that are rightly very scary,
But here’s the thing about scary bipolar symptoms — they tend to be mitigated by treatment. That’s why we seek treatment in the first place. For example, while mania can be a scary state that can contain psychosis (the presence of delusions and/or hallucinations), among other things,
A Scary Part of Bipolar Disorder — The Inability to Work
It is extremely scary to think that bipolar can take away your ability to make a living. In fact, it’s a big fear of mine. It is grounded in reality, however. According to Bipolar UK, just 21 percent of people with a chronic mental health condition are employed. A 2005 article in the American Journal of Managed Care notes most people with bipolar disorder are unemployed while many more are only employed part-time.
The fear here is that bipolar disorder will take away one’s ability to be independent. It’s scary to think of having to be on disability support or count on a spouse to be the sole breadwinner. I, for one, have always been independent. In fact, I used to be a well-paid techie at a very fancy tech company. Now, I can’t even work 40 hours a week. I’ve made my life work so far, but it’s one of my biggest fears to lose my ability to support myself. And let’s face it, people on disability support typically live below the poverty line. The support simply isn’t sufficient. It’s unfair that people have to live that way because of a brain illness that isn’t their fault in any way, but it’s one of the many unfair things that happen to some with bipolar disorder.
That said, many people do make it work.
The Scariest Part of Bipolar Disorder — Death
Not surprisingly, the scariest part of bipolar disorder is the chance of dying. Not only do people with bipolar disorder die sooner than the average person (for a variety of reasons), but, of course, they have an 11 percent rate of death by suicide.
In this video, I talk about how scary death and suicide in bipolar disorder are.
[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz4yfO-uwG8[/embedyt]Facing the Scary Part of Bipolar Disorder
But look, this article isn’t really about fear. These fears are something people have — I certainly didn’t give these fears to people. This article is about facing your fears. No matter which part of bipolar disorder you’re scared of, there are only two things you can do:
- Do what you can to mitigate the situation.
- Accept your fear.
Because no matter what you’re afraid of, it’s not going away. As long as you have bipolar disorder, that fear will linger. But you can take control of the situation by looking into fear’s eyes, doing what you can to control the situation, and move forward.
For example, there’s nothing you can do about bipolar disorder being a lifelong illness, but you can take control over your wellness to be as healthy as possible with it. That’s what you can do. Take your medication. Go to therapy. Do all the hard work. Taking that control over your life and wellness will make the lifelong nature of bipolar disorder more palatable.
So, what about bipolar disorder scares you? How do you handle those fears?
I was hoping someone could shed light on my husband’s behavior. I’m not sure if he’s mentally ill and passive-aggressive or just mentally ill. He refuses help but I’d like to know if he possibly has some form of Bipolar Disorder. He goes weeks without talking to me – I mean not one word for two or three weeks. He kind of ghosts me but I’m living with him. How anyone has the willpower to do this is beyond my comprehension. He talks to himself very loudly every morning in the bathroom as if he’s having a conversation with someone but he’s by himself. Eerily many of the comments are about me and he’s talking about me using curse words calling me the B word and F word. It’s really creepy and my kids hear him all the time. It shocks you out of your sleep and it’s scary. I told him to stop doing it. He stopped for a while but he’s doing it again and it makes my skin crawl. When he comes out of the bathroom he doesn’t act angry at me but other times he’s just horrible to me for no reason. One day I showed him a new trick our dog could do – we were both laughing but when I left the room to get more dog biscuits he blurted out F word B word. When I asked him what he called me he responded “oh I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about someone else.” It stopped me dead in my tracks and all I could think of is he has to be mentally ill. When he comes to the dinner table he puts his head on the table while we eat – he literally lays his head on the table and it looks very bizarre. He does this all the time. Other times he has his head in his hands when he’s sitting or standing and stays like this for long periods of time. It looks very uncomfortable and unusual but he’ll keep that position for hours. When I think of the artwork entitled “Scream” that’s what he looks like. Also he’s a very low energy person but somehow he can stay active for long periods of time (from 6 am to 12 midnight) and can function on 4 hours sleep. It’s as if his body is on autopilot but his brain is very tired and sleepy – his body wins out and keeps going. The minute he sits down he falls asleep in any chair. It could be in a waiting room, at the movies, or in a restaurant – he falls asleep and snores immediately. Sadly, I think because he’s refused help for so long, he has no personality left. He never smiles or laughs or feels joy. It has been years since he’s smiled. But sometimes when he’s on the phone with his friends he’s animated and lively. Once he’s done talking to them all his odd behaviors return. I don’t think he’s faking because it would take an enormous amount of energy to fake for years. He’s on anti-depressants but he either doesn’t take them, or skips doses, or stops taking them abruptly. When he takes them correctly there’s no change in his behavior. He refuses therapy.
“Most people seek help for bipolar disorder because their lives and their bipolar symptoms are out-of-control.”
A lot of people don’t seek help. They are forced onto medications by being hospitalized, also by force. And the fear of further hospitalizations is another scary part of bipolar disorder, especially when the hospitalizations involve seclusion and emergency forced medication. Since ongoing medication doesn’t guarantee that mania/psychosis will stay away, some of us live in constant fear of another episode and another hospitalization, especially when we’ve already been hospitalized numerous times or frequently even while taking meds. Not everyone is in the position to choose or not choose to get help. And hospital can be very traumatic.
i’ve had every blessing in life: understanding, supportive parents willing to spend their last dime on my health; a good brain, the best schools; a body which let me run fast when i was young, walk anywhere now that i’m old. i’m haunted by many failures in the world of work, all the good people i’ve disappointed. i recall in vivid precise detail my most dangerous suicide attempts. it still does not make sense to me why i do not suffer post-traumatic stress; sometimes i wonder if in fact i do, except i’ve just mistaken it for normal.
still, i am unafraid, and occasionally without even regret. twenty years ago my oncologist guessed i had six to eighteen months survival. colorectal cancer stage four is remarkably lethal, right up there with breast stage four. and, of course, spending all that time in the infusion rooms, you get to know other patients in the same boat. make friends, watch them die: it’s good for the soul, perhaps, but traumatic nonetheless.
me not dying (doc: you are my one in ten thousand patient) kind of cured my fear of death. i got to see my kids grow up; i realize that’s all i ever wanted from life. the other day i stepped in front of a car that seemed about to run over my dog. it was as if i was thinking i was superman, like the car would crumple harmlessly around my body. here i am, jumping in front of a car, for a dog — what the heck is wrong with me? the problem, i think, is that i just don’t care. after all, i got what i wanted.
For me, the scariest part of Bipolar Disorder is the psychosis and delusions that you mentioned. Not everyone who is bipolar suffers from these symptoms, but it is scary for the ones who do, and their loved ones. I get that way when I’m having a big manic episode, and my manic episodes can last for several months. I handle that fear with therapy and by taking my medication daily and nightly.
The inability to work is what I’m dealing with right now. Due to my illness, I walked out of my last job six months ago and have been looking for work for several months now. I like having a purpose, and being independent, and I don’t like living in poverty.