Reconnecting….

You may have been distant, distracted when your kids were growing up.

That may have carried through into adulthood.

You may find yourself in different cities as a result, rarely speaking. Hell, you can be down the street too, and distant, barely talking.

Do know, there is a likelihood your now adult kid still wants a connection, to feel cared for even this late in the game.

If you have come to terms with whatever part you played in this outcome and want to see if you can make it better, consider giving that kid a gift.

It’s the gift of your expression of love, saying that you are sorry for however you define your part in this.

Look for nothing in return. Nothing.

This is a gift you provide so that your child can now experience feeling valued by you.

This promotes wellbeing, mental health and relationships.

“Sweetheart, I wasn’t there in the way you needed me. Or, I made a mess of things and my ego got in the way. Or, you deserved better…..”

Then move in to hug. If you feel it necessary, ask permission.

The gift of connection.

If this prompts your adult child to talk, be mindful to just listen. No defensiveness, no rebuttal. No explanations. Just listen.

Let them vent.

This is part of your gift to them.

What you get in return is that this may be the start of a new relationship.

It will be fragile to begin. However, as you concentrate on just owning your own issues without commenting on theirs, you have a shot at this.

No guarantees. Just hopes.

There’s a likelihood you would have appreciated this gift to from your parent(s).

Don’t let your experience and unfulfilled wishes get in the way of what you now have the power to provide.

Be the parent to your child you wish your parent(s) could have been.

What a gift.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.