If You Fight About Me, Am I Not the Cause

Trigger Warning. This post discusses suicidal behavior.

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The child felt strongly they were the cause of their parent’s separation.

After all, every one of their fights seems to involve them.

With that, the child felt the parents would be better off without them.

The child tried. The attempt failed.

Thereafter the parents discussed with the child that their decision had nothing to do with them.

The parents also involved the child in the decisions regarding the residential arrangement. It remained the parents’ decision, yet the child then felt listened to, included.

The sense of the child’s responsibility for the parents’ separation faded. The child returned to being a child more concerned with school and friends.

It was a tough journey.

The work was the task of the parents.

When they began it was as if the weight of the parents were on the shoulders of the child.

In the end the child was elevated to stand on the shoulders of the parents.

From feeling crushed to having a vision of the future.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.