Don’t be confused. Neither parent may been appropriate….

Some have a parent who is verbally nasty, maybe physically harsh too. The other does nothing to really protect, but becomes the preferred parent.

Because of not being overtly mean, they are seen positively.

The fact is though, that parent has been neglectful. That parent left you unprotected.

Neither parent has truly acted in the interest of the child.

It can be quite an awakening to see and then come to terms with that passive neglect. Often the child comes to excuse the passive neglect when pointed out. It can be difficult to accept.

All in all, the experience of both parents undermines that child’s sense of being fully valued, worthy of being treated respectfully.

It can cause the child to believe there is something wrong with themselves and that they must accept such behavior all the way to adulthood and intimate relationships.

No. You never deserved any of this then or now.

None of this is a reflection on you or your worth.

All of this speaks to the shortcomings of your parents, who by virtue of their own growing up experiences, may have become how they were, no fault of their own.

However, none of that diminishes nor excuses your experiences.

You are worthy.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.