Narcisisstic Ex? I’ll Bet You’re Nice!

If you are dealing with a narcissistic ex, you have had to deal with wondering if you are crazy.

You’ve had to fret over others believing horrible things said about you.

You’ve received diatribes in messages, none of which ever resolve any issue you seek to address.

You’ve likely had your kids come home, like emissaries of your ex, demanding things your ex seeks.

If you’ve tried explaining this topsy-turvy world to anyone, they likely haven’t believed you or wondered what was wrong with you.

All this is life with a narcissist.

How people get here is most often by having been nice. Yes, by being nice.

Narcissists are experts at exploiting the niceness of others.

It begins by being charming and then often presenting themselves as a victim of someone else.

As you seek to rescue or support, they pull you in further untill you are so taken advantage of, you pull back.

That is when they then guilt you for letting them down. Being nice you extend yourself further.

Before you know it, you are fully at their service and if you try to set a boundary, you are vilified. You acquiesce again and with that you are trapped in this spiral.

Others, don’t be smug and don’t believe this can’t happen to you.

If you are nice, you too can be manipulated. That is the expertise of the narcissist.

Managing on a go-forward basis requires support and learning an entirely new skill set to manage. It’s not fair. It is necessary.

Hopefully those others who have never had to deal with a narcissist can be supportive and understanding non-judgmentally towards those in these situations.

These are persons whose only fault was being nice.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.