Children and Domestic Violence. They Know.

Trigger warning. This post addresses domestic violence.

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One eight-year-old boy explained to me that he would hide a walkie-talkie under the kitchen table to listen in on his parents’ fights so he would know when to come downstairs to complain of a tummyache so they’d stop fighting.

A nine-year-old girl told me how she would sit out of sight at the top of the stairs to listen for parents fighting to know when to gather her two younger siblings to hide safely in a bedroom closet.

A six-year-old child told me of his hiding with his four-year-old brother in a closet, telling his brother not to cry so loud when their parents fought.

A ten-year-old girl told me of realizing a mirror was missing in the house entrance and of finding a small piece of glass. She later saw her mother with a cut above her eye and was told by the mother that she fell.

The teen-aged siblings all reported the holes in the wall by the fists of their father and how the door of the bathroom once broke for being slammed so hard.

The 11-year old told me he knew every time his parents fought. There was a mood in the house and with that mood he knew to keep silent.

In each and every one of these true stories, one or both parents told me they don’t fight in front of the kids.

All of these referrals were for mental health or behavior issues of the child.

They know.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.