Separated Parents: Your Distress May Still Impact Your Kids.

Children look up and recognize they are the product of both parents.

I am half this one and half that one.

What does it say to a child then if the one parent then runs down the other to the child? How does the child experience this?

Do they hear something just as a reflection of the disparaged parent or do they see that as something said of themselves too, being half that other parent?

Given we all look at the world through our own eyes, naturally the child will reflect on their own makeup and wonder about themselves having traits of the disparaged parent.

Then too they may wonder about the parent who made the comment and that parent’s view of them, the child. Might this parent who disparaged the other think less of me to for our common traits?

Therein is potential damage to self-esteem.

While one may think a child of poor self-worth may be the outcome of the disparaged parent, it too may be the outcome of the one who disparaged that parent with the child’s knowledge, directly or indirectly.

It certainly is reasonable to think poorly of another.

The challenge is to be mindful in the expression of those feelings and how, if expressed, it may come to the attention of the child.

Children can come to know the issues of a parent without it being added to by the feelings of the other parent. We need not add to their issues or concerns, but be there for support.

Be there for their support as opposed to inadvertently contributing to their bad feelings.

As you love your child thus, they know for sure that this half, is fully well, loveable, and worthy.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.