Boundaries and Limits – Establishing a New Social Contract with the Narcissist

If you have lived with a narcissist, you have developed a social contract.

We have social contracts with everyone we relate to.

A social contract is an implied agreement for how we interact and our code of conduct.

With a narcissist, that social contract includes that their needs must be met over yours and that you are there to feed their ego.

Leaving a narcissist requires you to break the social contract.

Oddly, you may feel impolite, rude for doing so.

Indeed, the narcissist may see you are impolite, rude and further hold a grudge against you causing you to doubt and feel uncomfortable with your behavior.

This is where your learning and resolve must come into play.

It is not only ok, it is necessary that you break the social contract to leave a narcissist.

You cannot acquiesce to their demands nor feed their ego at every turn.

They must experience you setting a boundary and limits on their behavior. You must withstand their pushback and manipulation.

It will be up to you to determine the new social contract.

Setting boundaries and limits is not impolite or rude. That they don’t like it does not make it so.

You can do all of this peacefully and gracefully so in truth your behavior does not reflect negatively upon you when seen objectively by others.

All of this requires learned skills.

You can do so and with that break the existing social contract to establish a new one.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.