Grief
Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director, AllCEUs
A Counseling CEU course for this presentation can be purchased at: https://allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/582/c/
Objectives
~ Define grief
~ Conceptualize grief in terms of any loss
~ Identify how failure to deal with grief can impact a person
~ Explore the stages of grief
What is Grief
~ Grief is a label assigned to all of the emotions associated with dealing with any kind of loss
~ Physical (Things, abilities, freedoms)
~ Self-concept (Roles, values, labels)
~ Worldview (Innocence, safety)
~ Dreams (How things should be)
~ Social (Loss of relationships…)
Stages of Grief
~ Denial: Numbness, dream, alternate explanations)
~ Anger: The unknown, loss of control, death, isolation, failure—(shouldas and couldas)
~ Bargaining: If I … then I will wake up and realize this was only a really bad dream
~ Depression: Helpless, hopeless
~ Acceptance: Radical acceptance that the loss occurred and determining how to proceed from there
Exacerbating & Mitigating factors
~ How people react in a crisis depends upon 6 factors
~ How close the situation was to them (physical and emotional proximity)
~ How many other stressors them experienced in the last year
~ Mental health issues/Effective coping skills
~ Social supports
~ Understanding of the loss
~ How much control/responsibility they feel like they had in the situation
Impact of Unresolved Grief
~ Most people get stuck in either anger or depression
~ Anger (shoulda, couldas and if onlys)
~ At self
~ At others
~ At higher power
~ Depression (Hopelessness, Helplessness—I don’t now how to go on)
~ At self
~ At others
~ At higher power
Denial
~ Denial is the mind’s way of protecting people from what lies ahead.
~ Action strategies
~ Facing the loss
Anger
~ Anger is the power play
~ Push people away to avoid getting hurt again
~ Blame others as an outlet for helplessness—somebody somewhere could have prevented this
~ Blame self to try to regain some control/prevent it from happening again, make themselves suffer
~ Question belief system and world schema
Anger
~ Action steps
~ Identifying what the loss means to the person (Ex. Job, Parent, Victimization)
~ Angry (other losses)
~ Scared (which fears and why?)
~ Depressed (I feel helpless to… ; I feel hopeless to…)
~ Validation
~ Examination of the stated beliefs for
~ All or nothing thinking
~ Emotional reasoning
~ Fallacy of fairness
~ Emotional Reasoning
Bargaining
~ If I do x, y and z, maybe I can wake up and it will have been a nightmare
~ Contributes to depression because the person wakes up everyday hoping the reality is different
~ Hope is squelched every morning
~ Action Steps
~ Help clients stay in the present reality
~ Point out how bargaining just creates more exhaustion and frustration
Depression
~ Hopelessness and helplessness
~ Reality that the loss occurred AND it cannot be changed
~ Action Steps
~ Identify what cannot be changed
~ Identify what can be changed henceforth
~ Parent
~ Job
~ Victimization
Acceptance
~ Accepting the reality of the loss
~ Action steps
~ Explore how life will be different (and the same) since the loss
~ Make a plan to change the things you can
~ If that loss can be prevented from recurring, take proactive steps
~ Advocacy groups
~ Personal behaviors
Not a Linear Process
~ Most people experience grief surrounding a loss for at least a year.
~ Holidays
~ Anniversaries
~ Reminders (people, places, things, media)
~ Many people will vacillate between depression and anger.
~ Normalize people’s experiences
~ Encourage them to reach out to supports
~ Address happiness and survivor guilt
Additional Tips
~ When someone is grieving they are in a state of crisis
~ Minimize vulnerabilities
~ Make lists
~ Minimize demands (unless staying busy helps)
~ Keep a normal sleep routine
~ Set a defined amount of time to revisit the loss each day
~ Be compassionate to yourself
Summary
~ Losses encompass more than death or a person or loss of property
~ Failure to acknowledge losses can cause unhelpful reactions in similar future situations
~ It is important to explore feelings and reactions in terms of their functionality—how are they benefiting the person
~ It takes at least a year to deal with significant losses
~ Many times there are multiple ancillary losses that need to be addressed
Summary
~ How people deal with grief and loss varies widely.
~ Grieving is a form of crisis
~ The body is on high alert which likely impacts sleep, eating and energy to work or socialize
~ Minimizing vulnerabilities is important to reduce unnecessary frustration and avoid confirming helplessness
~ Ultimately it is hoped that the person can identify how they are stronger or better off from the experience
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