That Sense of Abandonment

That sense of abandonment doesn’t mean someone left you intentionally.

It can also arise from a parent’s lack of availability.

That can be work, mental illness, hospitalizations, the distraction of life events.

It tends to be particularly impactful on the younger child, the infant, toddler, preschooler.

The child that young cannot make sense of the parent’s absense. They have yet to form the cognitive capacity to understand the circumstances. The child just lives through experience.

Then if it occurs time after time, it is difficult for that young a child to form a stable image of the parent.

The coming and going itself can be traumatic to this young child only seeking to be cared for consistently.

Although the parent is well-intentioned and even if reasonable when present, the child can still develop a sense of abandonment that haunts and brings concern to adult intimate relationships.

These issues can arise with the best of parents yet under challenging circumstances that affect availability.

With that we want to be mindful if there are numerous and extended parental absences.

That is also why for the child this you, we want frequent and regular contact between separated parents.

For the infant or toddler or preschooler, that week about parenting plan while perhaps good for the parent can wreak havoc on the little one’s mental health.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.