Screw Guilt. Enjoy Christmas.

Oh that guilt. So undermining.

And with Christmas just around the corner, whose will it be? Yours? Someone elses?

Boundaries.

They are the thing that brings your life back to you. They help you distinguish who respects you acting in your interest versus their own.

“No” is a boundary word.

“We would love to normally, but this year we just need to _____ for ourselves,” is a boundary phrase.

“Sorry, we will be doing ____this year and we are quite looking forward to it,” is another boundary phrase.

And if already having agreed to something you wish you hadn’t, “Sorry, we’ve had second thoughts and won’t be able to attend as planned. This year we just need to do this for ourselves.”

And if pushback and guilt, you may be learning that your needs aren’t respected over the wants of the other.

Just repeat the boundary phrase, whichever you choose. Do not explain for as you do, it may be twisted to undermine your reason in favor of their own.

Repeat your boundary phrase.

Screw guilt.

In this context it is likely nothing more than manipulative bullying. Their wants over your needs. Once that is seen, you strengthen your resolve and maintain your boundary.

Own your life. Live emancipated.

This is not bringing harm to another as they may charge. This is not guidance to be rude or inappropriate.

This is you claiming you, peacefully, even if to the dismay of the other whose upset is about loss of control over you.

Resist over-explaining. Stay with your boundary phrase.

Enjoy a peaceful Christmas. One to your liking.

Let go the drama. Don’t participate. Once answered, no further replies.

Set a boundary.

Screw guilt.

Enjoy your Christmas.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.