Trouble Developing Intimate Relationships? Here are three steps…

Relationship? How do you approach developing one?

Think of your head, your heart, your genitals.

Start from the top and work your way down.

Get to know someone. Experience that person over time.

Get a sense of how they manage boundaries and expectations. Observe and think it through.

Consider if what is observed and experienced is consistent with what you would want for yourself.

Be mindful of their social situation, knowing one is always a package deal with their family and friends. Be also mindful of economics and self-sufficiency with an ability to manage money effectively.

Assuming all is acceptable, consider your heart, consider the capacity to manage emotions.

On the basis of experiences shared and enjoyed, you may find yourself getting emotionally close. You connect through the heart.

Determine if those feelings are shared. Still, ask yourself, can feelings even be shared?

Are people mindful of their feelings and are they reasonable and proportionate to the circumstances?

How does this person manage both frustration as well as happiness?

Let the heart represent the full range of feelings and be comfortable with how they are managed by the other.

Assuming you think things right by the experiences shared and information gleaned and that ones manages and shares emotions reasonably, then you may want to connect sexually.

There too one must be comfortable and safe and respected. There too, decisions must be mutual. There too one’s desires for intimacy and frequency must be determined to sort out compatibility and or ability for problem solving.

If one is vulnerable, a rush through or past or reliance upon only one aspect can bring about relationships that eventually proves unsatisfying and indeed, in some situations, unsafe.

Some folks have poor radar for those who may not be suited for them.

Walking through head, heart, genitals, may help provide a structure for assessing relationships.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.