Difficult Ex – Your Response Matters.

I can’t stress enough that how you handle yourself and respond to the provocation of another plays big in the outcome.

I speak with many persons dealing with difficult and truly intimidating and outrageously demanding former partners but where coparenting continues.

Like a shark in the water, if they smell blood they circle and attack.

It is such a challenge to not feel fear, to exude confidence and to manage limits and boundaries in these challenging of situations.

However, to the degree accomplished, those who do often experience better outcomes than those who don’t.

Few people have the skills innately to do this. Much of how to handle such a person is counterintuitive.

For those reasons working with a coach who has knowledge and experience working with such people is imperative. So too is following guidance and suggestions.

While not everything will work in all situations for all people and while this doesn’t mean you totally get what you want and that nasty person changes or goes away, what is often achieved is more peace with less loss.

The biggest challenge is shifting the mindset of the person having to manage these situations.

Most try to treat the difficult person as normal even if knowing or suspecting otherwise. The social conventions for dealing with reasonable people just don’t apply to these folks so new and different practices must be learned, practiced and applied.

The other mindset that must change is a move from the win/lose paradigm established by the difficult person, to seeking to simply neutralize the intrusions and overwhelming demands.

There is nothing to win. Just neutralize.

Help with developing the more productive mindsets leads to an easier application of the necessary strategies.

So, if this is you, find a coach. Someone who has considerable knowledge and experience in this specialty area and learn how to cope better and more productively.

This is certainly not traditional counseling. Indeed, how you feel doesn’t matter much in this approach. It’s all about what you do.

Do differently though and you may just feel differently too.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.