Planning for the Frightful Family Visit this Holiday Season

Being the holiday season, many will be seeing family they much rather not.

The issues include conflict, violence, abuse of any kind, excessive drug and alcohol use.

Do know, you can leave.

If you chose to, do so quietly, without fanfare.

Do not seek to make a point as that typically makes things worse. You don’t want to wear that.

If there with your partner, have a safe word.

Come up with a word or phrase that if uttered to one softly by the other, you both pick up and leave quietly. The agreement between you is that neither will question the other. You both will just go.

Discussion can happen later if necessary.

Some objectionable behavior is delivered subtly, privately. You both may not have witnessed or experienced it. You both must still agree to support each other.

If in your own home and something occurs, you can ask the person to leave. Then as best as possible, stay out of their way.

I have heard of some people, when the offending person wouldn’t leave, they would leave their own home until this other left.

Boundaries are yours to set. Just do so quietly and calmly. Calmly is key.

Difficult people will likely never understand or appreciate the necessity.

If you try to explain with such a person, you are dragged down their rabbit hole while tension and behavior escalates. That can lead to danger.

Resist explaining and return to your request. “Please leave” and do not respond to provocative comments or gestures. Repeat yourself, “Please leave.”

Having these plans in place can provide for a safer experience.

Have a safe word.

Yes, you can even share it with your children if concerned and you belief it necessary.

The concerning behavior of another you seek to avoid is like known by all, even if not previously discussed.

Talking about it in advance with your kids at an age appropriate level helps them process their experiences and your decisions.

Hope this posts helps you get through some challenging situations more constructively and with greater safety.

Never fun, but may be necessary.

Boundaries.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.