The Issue Was Her Parents, Not Him.

She went to her parents for advice on her marriage. However they never liked him.

The advice was biased. Leave.

She had to think long and hard about that.

She loved him. He was actually a kind fellow. He didn’t drink. Her parents did.

They felt he thought he was better than them.

It was all projection.

Her parents had considerable issues of their own. Their son-in-law’s decency inadvertently forced them to look at themselves. It was easier to scapegoat him.

She had to come to terms with her parents’ issues, not least of which was the drinking.

It wasn’t him she needed to leave. It was them.

She never was good with setting a boundary with her own parents. They were intrusive. Unfortunately the situation positioned her to have to choose between them and her husband.

She choose him.

It did cost her the relationship with her parents. However she changed a transgenerational pattern.

Neither she nor her husband were drinkers. Nor did they fight as did her parents.

Her freedom didn’t come easily. Her parents continued to try and interfere. She stood fast and firm.

It was several years. She and her husband finally established their own family.

There was a reconnection with her parents. It was tenuous but there. Time between her parents and eventual grandkids was watched closely.

Safety and change is a process over time. It is at times quite rough. It isn’t easy being a transitional generation.

It did provide for a good marriage. She had chosen wisely. He really was a good man.

Patience was a virtue.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.