The Angry Child

The child was about ten. He was angry.

With his parents in the room, I asked about the relationship between his parents.

Having already met with the parents, I already knew the answer to the question. The parents were well informed where I would go with their child.

The child said his parents sometimes fight.

I asked how and he described the yelling and screaming, more by one than the other.

I asked how it made him feel and there it was.

Angry.

I asked if he ever told his parents about his feelings and he acknowledged being too frightened of the one to do so.

I asked what he does then to cope, how he handles that anger. He acknowledged breaking things.

As his parents sat and listened, a tear fell down the face of the one who was prone to yelling and screaming. I am sure it reminded that parent of our discussion of their growing up experience.

The child did a good job of talking with me.

I did have the parents prepare the child by telling him I was a nice man with white hair and a white beard. I wanted the child to have a positive and safe image of me before we met.

It had worked. He thought he was meeting someone like Santa Clause.

I asked if either parent had anything they would like to say to their child. I had prepared them both for this moment.

The one more prone to yelling and screaming spoke up. That parent acknowledged their son’s experience and apologized.

The apology was as practiced. It was unequivocal, no blaming of others, full responsibility and a promise to do better.

The child cried. This parent hugged the child.

That was spontaneous. The other parent joined in.

Both they and this family were on their way to healing.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.