Helping Your Child Between Separated Parents Starts with the Parents

I have mentioned many times to be cautious about seeking counseling for a child whose parents are separated and where one puts the child in the middle and says inappropriate things about the other parent.

Placing that child in counseling may make matters worse.

In that scenario, the child may be subject to more inappropriate coaching to prepare for each session. Afterwards, that child may be subject to interrogation, so the parent learns what was discussed and said about them.

Those dynamics subject the child to more and worse conditions for which relief was originally sought.

From my perspective, counseling is best provided to the parent having to deal with all this.

Frequently, that parent seeks help from everyone, almost hoping to be rescued.

The thing is, it is they who must learn how to better manage and work with the situation.

It is important to appreciate these challenging parents often aren’t quite normal. Many have personality disorders. They see and act differently than others. It is necessary to understand this so the reasonable parent can better manage.

It no longer becomes about changing them, but managing oneself differently in view of this different and complex situation.

To find a therapist with the specialized knowledge necessary for oneself, Google collaborative law, and your city, province or state.

You are looking for the local collaborative law association where you can then find a listing of family specialists.

These are counselors with additional training to work with separated parents. Therein then search for those who may have yet additional knowledge amd experience working with high conflict situations.

There is no guarantee that who you find necessarily has the background for what you need. However, you will at least be looking in a place where there is a better likelihood.

Counseling? You first in these situations.

It really takes someone with specific expertise.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.