Managing the Lies the Narcissist Tells Another

The narcissist will not only spread lies about their ex, they will tell people how their ex will deny those lies if confronted about them.

Think about that.

It means that the ex who seeks to defend themselves against those lies may inadvertently wind up confirming what the narcissist said in the mind of the person the ex is trying to convince otherwise.

That can create a scenario where the ex feels trapped by the lies of the narcissist.

There is a way out, though.

Instead of trying to win the argument and prove who is right, think in terms of just neutralizing was said about you:

After hearing what her ex said about her, she didn’t flinch, get angry or defensive. She simply said, “Yes, my ex says many such things about me.”

And with that she then changed the subject and carried on without missing a beat.

That alone took the power out of the person’s statement about her from her ex. It just fell flat.

She didn’t get sucked in. She didn’t go down any rabbit hole. She didn’t get defensive or offensive. She acknowledged hearing what was said and left it lying on the floor.

She mastered control of her own dignity

That was the image she created of herself. Dignified.

As a result, whatever was said of her by the narcissist, became a reflection of him.

She neutralized him. He was no more effective at bringing her down despite ongoing attempts.

She mastered control of her own dignity.

Grace and calm under fire.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.