Lessons Learned of Abuse

He told me that his wife was backing out of the garage.

The mirror on the passenger side got caught on the garage door frame. In being pulled back, the passenger side window exploded into pieces.

He said his wife came in the house more scared of him, than upset about the window. He was miffed by that. He saw it as a negative reflection on himself by her and that it was undeserved.

I asked about her previous partner as well as about her dad.

Seems both were prone to yelling and screaming with little to no provocation. She would be blamed, scolded and even hit by both men in her life.

The more he explained of her previous experiences with men, the more he realized how reasonably frightened she would be of him in the circumstances.

Our meeting wasn’t over. He wanted to leave.

He was anxious to get home and apologize for personalizing her fear of men in close relationships. He got it.

There were lessons for them both.

His was to appreciate her abuse history and residual PTSD and how it caused her fear in triggering situations.

Hers was to come to realize she was finally in a safe relationship.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.