If You Saw Your Parent Being Hit…

She wasn’t hit.

Her dad did hit her mom though.

As mean as he was to her mom, she was treated like gold. She was the favorite.

She had learned early on by what she witnessed, never to cross her dad. In fact, she did whatever she could to please and appease him. It was no wonder she was his favorite.

Come adulthood she met and married a man much like her father. However, while demanding and controlling, he never hit.

The thing is, he didn’t have to hit. She learned not to assert herself and not to provoke. He, in a sense, had the benefit of what she had witnessed as a child. He had a submissive partner.

She lived an unhappy, unfulfilled life with this man.

It wasn’t until she entered into counseling for depression that her upbringing was explored as well as the connection to her present life.

She came to understand and appreciate that she wasn’t suffering as much from depression as oppression. It had been well internalized and accepted as normal. Oppression.

Counseling turned that upside down.

Finding her voice she finally made her needs known within her marriage. She also set boundaries with her father who forever maintained unrealistic expectations for her to still be accountable to him to for whatever he wanted.

Life for her changed.

She eventually left her husband. She rarely spoke with her father.

She took several years before dating again.

When she finally returned to dating she realized it took many dates to figure out some people. Once figured, if not suitable, she ended the relationship.

It may have been a good ten years later that she met a fellow who was reasonable and respectful. He too had remained single a few years following a divorce.

They remained together until his passing, some twenty years later.

She mourned his loss greatly although pleased for this later in life relationship.

Despite his passing, she was pleased how her life turned out.

She owned her life.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.