If Your Childhood Abuser Wasn’t Held Accountable

If you were abused as a child and your parent(s) kept it secret, not wanting to cause turmoil for one’s family or a work relationship or someone else’s family, you are likely not only affected by the abuse at the hands of the abuser but by not having your abuse truly validated and dealt with meaningfully on your behalf.

The lack of holding the abuser openly accountable suggests they or someone else is more important than you and what you experienced.

Just know… that was wrong. You deserved better.

You should not have had your experience minimized or dismissed.

The abuser should have been confronted and not only for you, but for the protection of others likely affected by their abuse too.

Such secrets perpetuate pain and abuse to others and cause further psychological harm to the person abused.

Just know, at your discretion, now as an adult, you don’t have to continue to protect your abuser. You no longer need to keep the painful secret.

Sure there may be consequences, reprocussions.

However, you can take back your worth, your value.

This is always a personal decision. No one should tell you to do so. It’s just that now, grown up, you have the choice and you may not have realized that before.

Now you do.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.