When that Coparent is Often Late or a No-Show

When developing a parenting plan with a coparent who either may not show up or return the kids when they should, set it up so they must pick the kids up at the start of their time and that you retrieve them for your time.

Always have a contingency plan for when the coparent is a no show. Make it clear you will only wait an hour before invoking your own plans, no longer waiting.

Don’t argue about this, but be clear and well documented. Keep a log of the coparent’s arrival times and any missed pick-ups. Do not assume responsibility for their misses or transportation.

Do not compensate by having extra special plans for your kids if the coparent doesn’t show. Lead your life as you would normally.

Neither badmouth or tell false stories about the coparent still loving the kids or having important things to do. Let the kids relationship with the coparent develop as an outcome of the coparent’s choices and behavior.

The more difficult the co-parent, the clearer you must be with regard to your boundaries.

More than what you say, your boundaries are demonstrated by what you do.

(As always, this information will not be suitable to all persons in all circumstances. Use at your discretion or in consultation with your lawyer and/or counselor.)

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.