Couple Counseling? Maybe in time….

I recently declined two requests for couple counseling.

I always screen referrals for domestic violence as well as substance use. I ask a series of questions that can continue depending on the answers.

Therein we can develop a risk profile for the likelihood of future violence.

Couple counseling can be an intense setting where issues are laid bare.

If a partner discloses issues of violence or abuse, it can upset the other who engages in such behavior. That upset can come out later as violence against their partner.

Interestingly, in both cases the callers were prepared to continue with couple counseling despite their disclosures of untoward behavior.

This is where the therapist must make a decision.

Just because the caller feels the situation is safe enough to continue, doesn’t mean it actually is. It doesn’t mean the therapist is comfortable with the possible degree of risk.

I suggested individual counseling in both cases.

One needs to determine if the relationship is truly safe, if the relationship should continue and how to manage in the situation.

The other needs to address the use of violent and/or controlling behavior, where it comes from, how to take responsibility and how to manage it.

If the one who has been violent and/or controlling refuses to attend or afterwards refuses to allow communication between their partner and therapist to review progress, those are red flags.

Please know, not all therapist screen for domestic violence ahead of providing service.

Screening is no guarantee of safety either. Much always depends on the honesty of the person reporting. Despite that, screening is at least one safeguard to lower the risk of harm.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.