Age Appropriate Parenting Plans
They weren’t the worst of separating parents.
Each was focused on missing their child. They were also focused on creating an easy parenting plan.
The child was three.
They chose a week about schedule. A week with each parent and change over Friday before dinner.
Trouble was, that three-year-old missed both parents too. By the third day the child was distraught. It came out as problems with eating, sleeping and toileting.
By the time changeover came, the child was a mess. Both parents wondered about the care the other was providing not realizing the child was missing the absent parent.
With that, a seemingly amicable separation turned to conflict with mutual concerns of neglect. They lawyered up. Fortunately, not aggressive lawyers.
They agreed on an assessment.
It was the assessor who caught the problem. It wasn’t the care of either parent, but the plan they came to between them.
A week in the life of a three-year-old is an eternity.
A child this young can have difficulty keeping a stable image of either parent after several days. They miss the absent parent. They are forever feeling a tremendous loss for whoever is away after several days.
The child starts to grieve. Then they are satisfied when back with the missed parent, only to have the cycle start again for the other parent after a few days.
This was explained to the parents. They changed their plan to accommodate the developmental stage and capacity of the child.
They went to what is referred to as a 2/2/3 schedule.
It didn’t take long for the child to settle in well.
As child settled in, the parental conflict settled too.
Parenting plans. They not only have to be doable for the parents, but also developmentally appropriate for the child.
Case closed.
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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.
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