Even Counselors are Challenged by Narcissists

As well as hearing from parents having to deal with a narcissistic ex, I also hear from other counselors.

Sometime after accepting a referral of a child or teen caught in the middle, showing signs of distress, the narcissistic parent then tries to put the counselor in the middle.

It’s almost always the same. The narcissistic parent is seeking to know about the content of discussion between the child/teen and the counselor.

Rather than respecting confidentiality and letting the child/teen have a safe place to address their issues, they intrude.

They do so for several reasons. On the one hand they worry that the child/teen may be revealing issues about themselves, that parent that could undermine their interests.

On the other hand they are trying to position the counselor act in their self-interest too, just like they do to their kid.

Of course when the counselor neither devulges information or gets pulled in to acting on behalf of the parent’s interests, then the counselor becomes the narcissist’s next target of blame

These are stressful conditions for most counselors to work under.

More typically counselors are working with voluntary clients, happy to be there with the support of both parents who respect the expected conditions of service.

However, in these circumstances the counselor has to learn how to manage an often hostile and manipulative parent, who may be the payer, but not the client.

It takes a different understanding of these dynamics as well as how to speak with someone who turns against you as the service provider when they feel their interests are thwarted.

When I consult to counselors these situations, they are often showing some of the signs of distress as their child/teen clients.

The consultation is directed towards helping the counselor better understand the disposition and motivations of the narcissist as well as how to set boundaries as inoffensively as possible.

It requires as much a paradigm shift for counselors as it does for parents and children all of whom are dealing with a narcissistic adult.

However, the experience for the counselor can be used therapeutically for the child/teen client.

There is a greater understanding and empathy for the young client because of the shared experience. With that, the counselor can now be curious about the child’s experience given the counselors new found understanding.

The consultation thus serves the counselor as well as their client.

I appreciate serving in this capacity.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.