Managing the Narcissist’s Barrage

The thing about that barrage coming from a narcissist, ask yourself if it is relevant to whatever is being discussed.

So often a narcissist will redirect a conversation to put the other on the defensive. They throw up a lot of nonsense. Emphasis on “throw up.”

If you respond to it, it means it’s landed on you.

However, if it isn’t relevant, it likely doesn’t require a response.

Instead, either recognize you are not going to get anywhere with this discussion and leave it, or bring the conversation back to the matter at hand.

If bringing the discussion back to the matter at hand this is a good time for the word, “but.”

“But” is a word that has the power to dismiss whatever came before it:

“But what I was asking was whether you were coming Friday at 5:00 to pick up the kids.”

If the n-rcissist still tries to redirect to put you on the defensive with something irrelevant, let alone untrue, just bring it back, make a statement and set a boundary:

“Well, I will be waiting no later than 5:30 then. If I haven’t heard from you by then, we will be following through with other plans.”

You owe no explanation for your time or plans. What is at issue is the arrival of the n-rcissist.

Resisting their traps, staying on point and setting clear boundaries is your survival strategy.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.