Narcissist? No, Others Don’t Get It.

Separating from a narcissist is like no other.

The gaslighting yet charm; the outright lies, yet straight face; the abuses perpetrated yet attributed to you; the misdeeds yet denials.

Trying to explain to someone with no experience of this is like spitting in the wind. It comes back on you.

Few others will get it and likely offer you things they think may help as if you hadn’t tried everything.

Few others will every understand what you will have gone through and that makes them vulnerable to the version of events as told by the narcissist.

Resist the rabbit hole. There, you wind up burying yourself.

The better strategy if confronted by the nonsense of a friend as influenced by the narcissist, is to say something like, “Yes s/he has a lot to say about me.”

You say it in a way that is dismissive and then redirect as if you aren’t going to grace the comment any further, knowing it is ridiculous and not being emotionally entrapped or triggered.

With this cast-off, the insinuation or outright accusation misses its mark and can be allowed to just fall flat. Your moving on leaves it there.

Anything else is engagement. With that, the narcissist wins through your friend, turned their agent.

A non-defensive and dismissive reply and move on.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.