The Fear Wasn’t of School

Trigger warning: This post addresses domestic violence and child awareness.

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The issue was the child’s fear of going to school.

We talked about the parental relationship.

She was convinced that her child new nothing of the abuse between her and her partner. She said it always took place after the child was in bed.

Changing the conversation, we talked about the abuse she knew of between her parents when she was a child.

She didn’t think her parents realized she knew as much as she did. She said her parents would have thought her asleep.

However, she talked about hearing them from her bedroom and at times listening from atop the stairs.

She remembered seeing the broken objects thrown in the garbage. She recalled holes in the wall. She knew it all.

She also remembered being scared for her mother.

With that, a look came over her face. She put it together.

Her child’s fear was not about the school.

It was about leaving her at home, unprotected.

Mother realized her child knew as much now as she did as a child.

Her child was not anxious about school, but her safety as she had worried about her mother.

She recalled wishing her mother would have done something.

With that, she made changes as she wished her mother would have done.

She broke the cycle.

No, it wasn’t easy.

Her child did return to school.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.