Conflict with Your Teen?

Believe it or not, your teen wants a connection with you. They may not show it and they may have their guard up, but typically, they want it.

That’s good news. When things are going sideways, then it’s up to you to make them feel safe.

Feeling safe facilitates connecting.

Connection facilitates the relationship.

The relationship facilitates communication.

Communication facilitates problem solving.

Problem solving facilitates reasonable behavior.

Coming back to them feeling safe, that’s your challenge.

When they may be driving you to distraction, it’s your capacity to curb any anger and remain calm.

It’s about not negatively labeling them or their behavior or threatening extreme consequences.

It’s about you harnessing any anxiety you may be feeling in the moment.

Your modeling your calm can facilitate theirs.

Instead of coming from a place or anger, fear or disappointment, come from a place of concern for their well-being and curiosity for what’s going on for them.

With that you leave a safe space for them to enter. That’s where you can connect.

Just to add, it doesn’t need to happen quickly. You may be tested to see if you can hold yourself as a safe space before they feel comfortable entering. For that, patience.

All of this can be quite a new practice for parents.

Given it can take time for the parent to master, they must be patient with themselves too. It can take quite a leap of faith going in this direction.

If other strategies haven’t brought any resolution or peace, then it may make sense to try something new.

Up to you.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
www.yoursocialworker.com for counseling and support

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.