When Your Partner Sits Around Playing Video Games and You’re Carrying the Family

Remember that movie from 2006, “Failure to Launch?” They finally get the guy in his thirties out of his parent’s house long enough to meet a gal. The movie was based on a social trend of men who never left home. Some had sporadic jobs but otherwise lived in their bedroom or the basement mostly playing video games.

Since then, I am seeing another social trend; women who married those men now seeking to separate from them.

There is a common plot to many of these situations.

Guy is indulged and lives life at home doing as he pleases. As long as left alone, there is peace. Poke and prod and his fangs may come out. Woman who may have come from a background where men are not so nice is attracted to the passivity of the fellow. They date and quickly find themselves co-habiting and maybe married.

With time and assuming the fellow was working when first together, his jobs slip away, and he is back to mostly watching video games. If he helps around the house, it is under duress and thus the management of the house, income and care of the kids falls mainly to the gal. Again, there is peace when he does as he pleases. However, the fangs may come out as expectations are increased. The gal, whose background may have included having to pacify a previous fellow or having watched their parent pacify their husband, shy’s away from asserting the expectations to avoid the fangs and thus her resentment builds.

This fellow is different from the one in the concept of “house-husband.” In that scenario there is an understanding between the partners that this is his role and indeed he fulfills it dutifully. This actually works for a good many people. If only this were the case with the failure to launch fellow.

The failure to launch guy isn’t unintelligent. Indeed, with time on his side, he does his research.

As the gal finally seeks to separate, he seeks to claim child and/or spousal support seeking to maintain his lifestyle.

She, somewhat taken by what he has to say, believes him and is then frightened into staying and maintaining this lop-sided situation.

This is where counseling comes in as well as a good consultation from a family law lawyer. You need this team.

The counselor can provide not only an outlet to validate your concerns but offer guidance to manage the personality and thinking of such a person.

The family law lawyer can help you understand what obligations you may have and what limits there may be to those obligations.

For many, this is the sequel.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.