Childhood Anxiety at Bedtime

Some kids develop tremendous anxieties that emerge at bedtime.

It could be of someone stealing them away, the death of a loved one, fire, etc.

The origin of the fear may be unknown or it may be traceable to an actual event, be it through a friend, news report, family experience, or even just a TV show or YouTube video.

Most parents will do their best to soothe their child through their fear. It is sufficient for some kids.

It is that very process however that may be worsening the experience of anxiety for others.

It is called over-accomodating.

Research out of Yale University suggests that all that help and soothing is an issue and instead of the kid going to counseling, it’s the parent who should.

There is a paradox to all that soothing and accommodation. It actually suggests there is something to fear, otherwise, why all the attention and support?

The solution, or at least part of it, is to treat the child’s fear with little fanfare.

“Ok, I hear you sweetheart, now go to bed. If necessary, we can discuss it in the morning.”

It’s up to the parent to maintain this disposition and not be inducted into the child’s vortex of fears.

This approach by the parent says, I both hear you and feel for you, yet know there is nothing unsafe and therfore, I am not indulging this.

The child may squirm and fret and call out and may be quietly and gently redirected back to bed countless times, but eventually they fall asleep.

That is when the parent can advise in the morning that as known to the parent, all is well and they are available to chat about it as promised.

Thus the parent exudes an air of concern, knowledge that the fear is just that, a fear, and that they are still there for the child but when reasonable.

It is the parent who may need support for this approach.

Seek counseling for yourself if necessary.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.