What Are You to the Narcissist?

There’s a concept of narcissistic supply.

It refers to those persons who provide adoration to the narcissistic, feeding their ego however it seeks to be fed. It can also be other things the narcissist needs and wants to feed their entitlement too. Things such as attention, financial support, sex or any other demands.

The narcissist sees others as per the degree they provide that support.

Usually, in the beginning of a relationship as they show their adoration of you, it is reciprocated by you.

They are assessing the degree to which your adoration, your attention is provided back. It’s simply a test and you don’t know you are the experiment. it can then go to other things such as the sex and financial support.

If things wane, if you appear distracted as a source of their supply, they will engage in behavior that limits your other relationships as well as activities that take away from your attention to their needs and wants.

It will be subtle at first. “Are you sure you want to go there, see them?”

It may escalate, “They don’t care about you the way I do. I don’t know why you would go there or do that.”

It can escalate further, “If you go there, clearly you don’t care about me.” The binds you find yourself in strengthen.

What you may have seen directed towards their ex or others, you may find yourself a similar target.

It doesn’t seem normal and it’s confusing. The mix of adoration, anger, guilt, blame they direct towards you.

In time you don’t know if you are coming or going. You’ve been isolated. No one would believe you as the n-rcissist only presents their better self to others.

They’ve got you sealed as their supply.

This is not about the love of you, but about their love of themselves.

It is so contrary to normal and yet so well disguised.

Recognize the signs early. Their need to be the centre of your life. The limiting of your world. The blaming of you when things don’t work for them.

There is no working things through with such an individual. Remember, this isn’t normal.

The choice is not about love. It’s about whether you want to remain their narcissistic supply.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.