Attachment Style?

Attachment style is something that is developed in the first few years of life. It can determine how we connect to others in intimate relationships come adult life.

In short, the degree to which the infant to toddler is raised in a calm and safe environment with their needs met in a timely basis, they are caused to feel secure and trusting in their attachments. In adulthood this sense of trust is transfered to their intimate partner for the likelihood of a secure relationship.

If however there is disruption, chaos, intermittent harsh or punitive or scary experiences, that infant to toddler may be caused to have a disorganized/anxious style to their attachment.

Come adulthood this person can worry and misread cues as to their partners intentions or behavior. It’s like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop. This can undermine relationships.

Then there are those kids whose needs may simply not be met on a timely basis, or at all from time to time. They may develop a kind of learned helplessness.

These kids come adulthood are at risk of what is called, insecure attachments. They may not fully invest. They may seem sluggish, depressive in relationships. This too can cause the other to wonder about the connection and commitment to the relationship.

One the one hand consider what may happen by any combination of persons coupling. Consider if the same style or different styles are coming together.

Then of course there is the intensity of any of these style and impact on relationships.

This becomes a complex jigsaw. There are so many permutations and differences in terms of goodness of fit and how they play off each other. Much to consider.

Therapy may include a discussion of one’s early life experiences to explore for issues of attachment styles. This is with a view to helping people come to understand the hidden forces from childhood influencing adult relationships.

The above was only a small sample of the most basic and common attachment styles. There are others.

Attachment styles. It’s like the zodiac of relationships and with social science to back it up.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.