Whose Homework is it Anyways?

There’s a new crop of students, now in first year university.

Among them are students whose parents carried them through high school.

Now in university these students are realizing there is an increased work load and yet far more independence. Some of these students will slack off. The work won’t get done.

If or when the parents get wind of the lack of progress, some parents will be angry, some worried and yet some willing to “help” their young adult child meet their academic expectations.

That “help” is code for actually doing a portion to all of the student’s assignments.

The enabling through high school catches up.

When will it stop?

At some point such enabling caves in on itself. It’s not sustainable.

It’s not the student who needs to wrap their head around this, it’s the parents.

At some point your now young adult child will have to take responsibility for themselves.

Typically the earlier this begins, the sooner it can happen and hopefully that students can come to quickly learn a few skills, not least of which include responsibility and accountability.

There may be a few skinned knees along the way, some lost school time and some stiff opposition and belly-aching. The year may be lost.

Kids who have been endulged and enabled have far less life skills and more fear when faced with real challenges. They look to avoid, blame and complain.

Parents, if this describes your situation, realize lectures, negotiation and promises of change are more likely ploys to avoid accountability than a true shift of attitude.

It’s you who will have to find the fortitude to make things happen.

That will be mostly by quitting the role you’ve been playing and stop enabling.

Then your young adult child has a chance to grow up.

Slow and painfully, but a chance.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.