When The Last One Leaves the Nest….

There’s a group of parents out there with their kids setting off to college or university who are about to become empty nesters.

Of course there are other life events that bring about the empty nester, but Fall is that time of year when many experience it at the same time.

Kids can be somewhat of a distance regulator between parents.

That means with our eye on meeting the needs of the kids, parents don’t need to focus on their own relationship. The kids keep just enough space between us to help us get along.

Well, with them gone, the relationship is front and centre.

This can create tension for some and a rekindled romance for others. Some will have managed the couple relationship all the way through.

Either way, there can be an awkward stage where the house feels empty and you and your partner have to figure out who you are as a couple at this stage of life.

Recognizing this awkward dynamic as normal can help ease any associated tension.

Be cautious about assumptions and expectations.

Here it is best to talk about this life’s passage and perhaps set out a few things you might like for yourself and each other.

Successful transition as empty nester doesn’t mean you must like all the same activities and interests.

It can mean you appreciate each other, your shared history and/or new goals for life on a go forward basis.

Don’t rush towards any significant changes. Let this life passage sink in a bit.

Relax into it.

Take some of the weight out of it and accept that there will likely be an adjustment.

It’s a normal developmental process.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.