Parental Alienation – Make a Path to the Future

Parental alienation: The intentional undermining of a child’s relationship with one parent by the other parent in a context where those parents have separated and have an acrimonious relationship.

Some situations are intractable. Beyond repair.

The issue remains… what to do?

The lectures don’t work. There is no breaking through with the child poisoned and brainwashed. Their age is such that even a court order in your favor holds little power.

Play to the end game. That is the hope of a life-long relationship with your child come their adulthood.

You get there on stepping stones.

A stepping stone is like an island of peace and pleasure with your child as they age.

Rather than allowing yourself to get embroiled in any negative agenda, you deflect to the immediate.

“Be that as it may, what should we have for dinner tonight.”

Seek those moments of neutral solitude.

If or when found, provide a wee bit of positive feedback for it.

A simple, “That was lovely. ” is sufficient.

Let it almost be a throw away statement, so small it can’t be fought against. A stepping stone.

Then, a leap to the next.

With that, all the bad things said about you may lose weight amongst the positive little islands of peace and pleasure.

All with subtle intention. Build those stepping stones.

The hope is for maturity to find your child at some point.

We hope for a maturity that once free the negative influence, can better reflect on life’s circumstances and the stepping stones of your time together.

With that, play to the long game.

There is no guarantee.

It definitely won’t solve the issues of the day.

We can hope it facilitates some semblance of a relationship for tomorrow.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

gary@yoursocialworker.com
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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.