When Mini Me… Isn’t

He loved skating and playing hockey. He wanted it for his son too.

By the age four the lad had his second pair of skates, a stick and pads.

He was an awkward, kind of clumsy boy. His ankles spent more time on the ice than his blades. His father pursued.

Sure, there were the tantrums, throw downs, running away. The lad was less than interested.

Remarkably though, the boy had well-developed fine motor skills. He loved cutting and pasting, tracing, drawing. He had a good pencil grip, quite extraordinary for a lad his age.

Dad sought to squash it.

Mom had little sway.

Years passed. Distance between father and son grew. It was clear this boy wasn’t destined for the NHL.

Mom encouraged art. With that the lad was happy.

Eventually the parents split. There wasn’t much of a fight over parenting time. The dad expressed little interest.

In his twenties, the lad, now a young man, looked to establish some sort of relationship with his dad. He reached out.

Dad was in another relationship. He had another boy there. That lad was into hockey.

There was little interest in reconnecting.

This lad went on to establish a career in art. He eventually married. It was a successful marriage. Still, he wondered, what was it about himself his dad couldn’t take to.

Our meeting wasn’t as long as most.

Having learned of the young man’s past, the answer came quickly.

Nothing was wrong with him, this young man.

It was all on his father. His father’s interests came before others. His interests mattered most.

I offered that I admired this young man, now married and a father himself. He was clear that whatever the interests of his son, he would follow and support.

That was it. We only met the once. That’s all it took.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.